Fine, Fine, Fine

Well, just call me Rip (in my trousers) Van(because I have more cargo room) Wrinkle (because of my fault lines).

To all three whom are concerned....

You win. Please check your mailbox each day to claim your prize.

You may be asking yourself where was he? If you are not watching late night infomericals or stuck in traffic. Did he have a nervous breakdown? (Well, no more or less than usual) Did he go the way of the pizza? (No Tombstone for me yet) What happened then?

Well this is the information superhighway and I was stuck in traffic. Apparently I can only type one word a minute...two if I may three mistakes.

Oh well, can I go outside and play Momma? I hear there is a prize waiting in my mailbox.

Remember you can't live with 'em, but you can live with me.

The secret word of the day

Hello all who have made it through the exams to read this blog

Is it just me or does everything in our society have a password? It used to be just your bank account. Now it is your computer, your voice mail, your e-mail. Everything requires a password . Are we that paranoid or are people really trying to get us? I know that people are crazy and that is why we need some protection. It just seems like an overload.
We have a different password for every occasion. The passwords of old used to be the sequential numbers or your favorite animal. Now it is a combination of every type of character from all over the keyboard.
Experts say you should make your passwords at least 7 digits long. Now I have to combine my birthday and my dog's birthday! They also say to use characters like !, &, ) to represent certain characters. It is all very confusing.
Oh well as long as my secret is safe with me, I can put up with !+yp1n9 funny.

Grounded day

Dear fellow watchers of wacky weather and other weird things

I did not realize that tomorrow was Groundhog Day. So in an effort to beat out my shadow so we will not have six more weeks of randomness, here I am.
Well it did it again. Snow, that is. This time it started around 8 am. At least most of the state was shut down, school wise. I did see a few cars out early this morning. Granted I was one of them. However, I was out before the snow fell.
So it was half a day of work for some and others it was a whole day out of work. I could not imagine working for a company that one has to go out in the weather. However, I am glad that those people can.
Why is there nothing on television worth watching when you are able to watch? I have flipped through the channels and nothing. Every 30 minutes I hope it will change.
It also seems that dreary weather days make me so tired. They put me in a daze. I don't want to sit at home, but I don't want to get out in the weather. So I end up moping around. Fortunately, I lose consciousness every hour or so.
Good news is that it is supposed to stay above freezing tonight, so what melted earlier and the rain that is falling will not freeze. That is good because then tomorrow morning I will not have to clean up ice on the sidewalks at work. Plus the swerving I do while driving will not be due to the ice.

Stay warm and toasty. I will let you decide whether you want the crusts or not.

Baby, Baby, Baby

No, that is not my new one hit one wonder. However, it is the soon to be new arrivals of people I know that are having babies.
Howdee out there to the new arrivals and the ones who have been around for awhile
It seems that everytime I turn around I am bumping into a pregnant lady. No, not because they are that big nor am I that clumsy, whoops!, but because they are so apparent! Da Dum Bing!
There are three, 1, 2, 3, in my limited list of people I know who have had, will have babies. Two cousins and a friend. No, that is not some kind of weird relationship in some state. Although it might be a hit show on ABC, if I add some form of restaurant....Oh well, I only have a sketch artist. He charges by the arm and leg. Do do te!
Anyway, I was just thinking all these babies are boys. Is there some element in the drinking water? I think I have heard that girls outnumber the guys out in population land.
Is our society becoming like the ants, where the number of males outnumbers the females. Then the males will be forced to work for one queen. Sounds very familiar.....If this does happen I am sure that the guys will not notice until too late.
So to the women out there, no need to fight as you can see there are plenty choices of available young men out there. Also, to the women, you can have the world, but leave us the remote control. Men, be aware if your young lady starts disappearing. Either that or be prepared to lift 10 times your body wait.
Congratulations to all the new mommas and poppas out there who are dealing with dirty diapers, wailing and gnashing of teeth, screaming, lack of sleep, and other calls of duty. You only have to put up with it for a few years. Then is the messy part as they become teenagers. However, you will have all the love and joy you can handle.

People not to date

Here is a list for all you people sitting around in 07 who are looking for that special someone and who you should avoid...

Never date math teachers, they only discuss their problems.

Never date librarians. Sure they check you out, but then put you on a shelf.

Never go out to eat with a taxidermist, they will make you eat until you are stuffed.

Never go out with a banker, they are in it for the money.

Never go out with a telemarketer, they cannot call past 7 pm.

Never go out with an anesthesiologist, they put you to sleep.

Never go out with an IRS agent, it is very taxing.

Dough not go out with a baker, every date seems like a dozen.

This are just a few of the people out there who are "out there." Of course your results may vary. Keep looking. Some day you may get reeled in by a movie goer.

There's cold in dem dar heels

Well my frozen friends

It looks like the severe, cold weather that has been visiting our Western brother and sisters has finally made it to us. While they were in the 30s and down under, we were celebrating above normal and in the 70s. Groovy, baby. However, since it is mid January, I guess we are due for some freezing temperatures.
It appears this is the night the ice man cometh. Already there are several counties in a weather advisory. It seems like there are always certain counties in this beloved state that get hit with the severe weather. I think that some parts of this state are effected even by the refrigerators that make ice.
I am glad that I live in a state that does not get much cold weather. There was one year when NC did not even get an inch of snow and it shut down the interstate. Here in North Carolina we have no idea how to drive in the snow. I am part of that percentage. I much prefer warmer weather. I would tolerate 100 degrees if necessary. Many people say they like cooler temps because "you can put on more clothing, than you can take off."
My fiancee and I have weird body temperatures. She appears to get cold every night. It is especially bad tonight with the temperatures getting below freezing. Once the cold weather hits and I have to put on a jacket, I have to wear a jacket all winter season long. It can bounce back up to 80 for one day. The same is true wearing shorts. I could wear shorts into the cold weather as long as I don't have to put on pants.
Perhaps we will not get any precipitation tonight, I am hoping so. I am not a fan of snow. It is mildly pretty as long as I do not have to get out in it. Let it snow someplace else or in a pretty picture.
Remember to bundle up. You can save a lot of money that way, according to your phone and cable company.

Dining out of the closet

Hello all you diners out there

I happened to be in a restaurant the other day. It happens that I leave my house occasionally, depends on the traffic on the road. My friends and I [yes, a group of people actually wanted to see me (okay, it was Wendy's bro and his wife)] went to a variety styled restaurant. The first thing I noticed was on the window the restaurant was advertising wireless internet. Does that come with dipping sauce? I wonder why people feel the need to come into a restaurant to check e-mail. Do they have good food? Not really. Good service? Nope. Nice Atmosphere? Naa. What is it then? A good internet connection in less than 15 minutes. Talk about a lightning lunch.
However, back to my point. We walk in and are seated by someone who according to my future family had lace in his drawers. To me, it looked like a guy pretending to be a girl, pretending to be a guy. He had the style hair, the high voice, and the styled clothes. Now, I have been mistaken for a woman a few times. One time during Halloween and the other on a phone call, but hopefully these were the only times. I am not sure if the host in the restaurant was trying to be mistaken for a girl, but he was doing a good job.
We were seated at a table, as they do in restaurants. The server, another male, appeared to take our order. I think they frown on you just going to the kitchen and grabbing what you want. After hearing the server talk about the specials, we could detect a higher frequency in his voice. Was this his excitement over the fact we ordered an appetitizer or something else?
Why is it that every male in a restaurant setting appears to be feminine? All the time, I hear a waiter talking in a high pitched voice and sashaying around the restaurant. Is that food that hot, that they have to talk so high? Are they moving that way to avoid all the obstacles the owners have placed in the aisles? What is it that is causing this phenomenon? It does make me wonder who receives more tips men or women?
I just don't know. It seems all service types are more feminine. People must want a pleasant voice and a nonthreatening personality. As long as I get what I ordered, then I am not too concerned what kind of underwear the server is wearing.

Maled to the wall

Guys and gals,

Another thing has thrown me for a loop. I was watching television the other day and lo and behold a commercial pops up...about male enhancement. The bulk of the commercial shows a young women, 18+, sitting at a bar. Everyone appears to be having a good time. The young woman at the bar is talking about male enhancement and the sex drive. Out of nowhere a man appears in the bar. He is simply standing around while the woman looks over to him. Then she gracefully positions herself into his line of sight. She nods her head toward the direction of the door and he nods. So the commercial ends with them preparing to leave. As they leave she gives one more parting shot about male enhancement.
Now, what has confused me is, why is it focusing so much on the woman? Is the commercial for a woman who wants a man so potent she will be drawn to him across a room? Is it for a man who wishes that he could stir up that much desire in a woman? The guy never says a word. Which when I think about it, that is how much relationships are. However, from what I have heard, the guys do a lot of begging and smooth talking to lead the women out of the bar.
What I am wondering, is the woman in the bar actually a man? She seems to be the one who is most affected by the male enhancement. From the view I saw, she was the one who initiated contact. Or is it that the male enhancement treatment can bring out the man's sexual drive in a woman?
Are the tables about to be turned? Everywhere you looked was a man seeking lover's lane. Now it appears to be the woman in the driver seat.
For the women who are worried about too much male libido, don't worry. There is still sports on television. Which during the commercial they will show the male enhancement commercial. But you will continue to be in one peace because the only number the men will remember is the score of the game. In a minute honey...

Small talk

Hey, how is it going?
That is probably the most used phrase in America as people walk by one another. Instead of saying hello, people ask how are you. It is the kind of phrase that does not require an answer. Often the questioner has bypassed the questionee before the answer is even given. If by chance the person stands around look enough to hear "fine" then a glazed look appears in the eyes. There are a lot of words spoken today that are basically meaningless. Conversation has become an artform. There are those that can perform and others who cannot. I am one of the non-performers. I find it hard to small talk. I admire those who can smooze throughout life. Once I get past hello and how are you, I am speechless.
I know this is probably not right, but I cannot small talk when I want to ask you another question. Some people will ask you several other questions before asking you what they really wanted to know. Perhaps this is their way of getting your guard down and then you will be forced to do their bidding.
It seems like the nicer a person is when he or she comes up to you, the more the favor requires of you. It is true that people do respond better to someone who is nice. Everybody wants to keep a person happy.
One thing I find strange is when people are telling a story, usually involving a point they are trying to make, their faces are neutral. Yet, when they make their point, BOOM! They smile. It is kind of unnerving, to me anyway.
Another thing is the "I'm sorry." Yes, it is a good thing to admit when one is wrong. I sometimes get tired of people saying it. A person may bump you or not do something right then and say "I'm sorry." Now I have to listen to you go on and waste more of my time. I admit I sometimes use that catch phrase when the fly ball comes my way.
Granted these things get to me more when I feel that I am in a hurry. Politeness is an important part in our society. There is a delicate balance. Too much and you are considered a pushover or have a hidden agenda. Not enough and you are considered a jerk.
Remember play fair. Or a good rule to remember is keep it 50/50. Unless of course it is your boss, then suck up as much as you want.
Alright, you caught me. I'm sorry. How are you doing?

What's cooking?!

Dear master chefs,

The other night I was trying to be helpful and cook dinner. Wendy had a frozen pizza in the freezer and that sounded like something good to eat.
I go to the freezer pull out the pizza. I preheat the oven. This is a somewhat new oven to us, but an older model. It a self cleaning gas oven. So I unwrap the pizza and put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Now keep in mind this is a process that I have done a few times. I am not Shack de Pizza, but anybody can cook a pizza right?
Well, apparently, not me or at least not that night. For some reason unknown to me, I lock the oven. I guess I thought the switch was there for some purpose. Of course it is there for some purpose...to keep the oven shut. I have learned that the lock switch is used when the oven is in cleaning mode.
So lo and behold when the angel came with great tidings saying the pizza was done, I could not get into the oven. I asked Wendy about the lock and she at first thought was talking about the dishwasher. Imagine her surprise when she realized oops, I am talking about the oven.
We push and we pull on the door, but unfortunately no pizza! At this point we are starving, because we were hungry 20 minutes ago. I was upset at myself for doing such a stupid thing and worried about the pizza, probably worth $4. Wendy the practical thinker she is was worried about the oven, probably worth a truckload of frozen pizzas.
After struggling for 10 minutes, we do the smart thing. We call for advice. Wendy calls her parents, who have a gas stove. They give their suggestions. It should have worked, but not in this case. I call someone who is a great deal more handy than me. He asks if we have the manual, which Wendy and I dig up.
We look through the manual and find the part about the lock. The lock apparently is a safety device used in the cleaning process. If it does not open then wait a few minutes and try to open again. The manual says it could take up to 30 minutes. I am sure we waited an hour.
All this time we are pushing and pulling. I am ready to take the door off, but have no idea how. Miraculously, just as I had given up hope...I was pulling on the door and I hear a pop. The door opened! The pepperoni peasants rejoiced, the sausage sang, the peppers were produced, the crust had risen to the occasion. We were delivered!
Apparently, the handle would have popped back on its own. We tried to force it back too early, so it the handle was still caught.
So what did I learn? First, maybe I should not be near an oven. Two, the lock is only for the cleaning mode. Third, even burnt and chilled pizza tastes good when you are hungry.

su casa now a Mexican restaurant

Dear cruising cuisines

Is it just me or is every new establishment opening a Mexican restaurant? Granted Mexican restaurants are good and affordable. However, is it worth having 3 right next too each other. I guess so if you like breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Mexican restaurants are taking over. They are either built new in shopping centers or taking the place of other restaurants that went out of business. Mucho Mexico is right.
I know that the Hispanic population is growing and so must be the demand for Hispanic flavored food. It is just interesting seeing so many Mexican restaurants open.
There are a couple of good things about Mexican food. The variety first of all. You can order tacos, burritos, quesadillas, nachos (which usually come with meal), enchiladas, and many more that I do not know how to say or spell. I probably actually misspelled most of those that I mentioned. Also with each of those styles you can get your choice of beef, steak, chicken, or cheese. You can change up more than Barbie has had careers. I wonder if they have a Barbie as a waitress in a Mexican restaurant.
Anyway, back to menu. The other good thing about Mexican restaurants is the price. It is for the most part inexpensive with a good selection of food. You cannot beat $5 for a couple of tacos. The price being inexpensive is a good thing because some people do not handle the digestion of Mexican food very well. So your digestive system can at least feel like it got its money's worth.
Well if you like Mexican food then as you are driving down the interstate take a siesta at the local Mexican restaurant. Like not many people say, "It has bean rice talking with you."

Depends on whom you ask

"May I have another one?"

"Is that it?"

"Are you going to finish that?"

"What is your name?"

"Do you like this outfit?"

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"How are you doing?"

"Would you like some whip cream?"

"One lump, or two?"

"How fast were you going?"

Getting whipped

Greetings fellows and ladies

I was watching the news today and saw something interesting in a stupid way. Apparently some young adults are getting out of their cars while the vehicle is moving, to get on the hood, listen to hip hop music, and dance. This movement is called something like "cracking the whip" or something to that nomenclature.
I think this is stupid for a couple of reasons. First, why is the slang for a car called a whip? I cannot understand this. Is it because of the phenomena of whiplash? Or do people whip their cars into lanes and parking places?
Second, this act is very dangerous. The whole purpose is not to be in the car and let it go whether. On the news they showed video of some guy outside on his truck leaping off as the truck went into a telephone pole. If you want to do something stupid and dangerous, then fine. Of course if this is on your own. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. Usually when people do something it affects other people, mainly innocent bystanders. What if another car was coming down the road? Or what about the people who lost power because this guy knocked out a pole?
Third, if you have that much money to waste on your car, then you should not be driving. Plus if their car stereo is the best audio equipment they have, then what about a MP3 player? Even a walkman? You can purchase those at dollar stores these days.
another thing is why hip hop? I personally do not listen much to hip hop, but it will be another reason for people to blame that particular music. They might think that the bass will help to balance the car.
Perhaps these people could set up their own courses. My suggestion is not to get between the lines. Go out and do you thing.
If you want to go outside of your car and dance, then fine. There are plenty of places to do it, namely the ground or dance clubs.
There is nothing wrong with dancing, when done in the proper context. It is good exercise. Maybe these desperate guys could find some women, other than their vehicles, to spend time with.

Thanking back

To the best audience I had in 2006

I was flipping around the TV the other day and the front screen with the screen definitely had the best view. So once I figured that out, I started turning the channels. It seemed that every channel had one of those countdown shows on. The best videos, the top moneymakers, the hottest couples...pretty much anything that could be ranked. I was looking for the top 10 top 20 shows.
On every one of these shows they had people discussing why this was that and the rank. It seemed like every one of the commentators was a comedian. Some of them I had heard of and others I had not.
It got me thinking, why are there so many comedians/writers on these shows? I guess comedians are known to be witty and able to express themselves. I think the real reason is that they have so much time on their hands. Besides thinking up bits and trying to gain exposure, they only work for a few hours a couple of nights. How else are they going to get free airtime?

Well, here is one of my top ten....fingers!
Best meal I had...one I did not have to pay for!
Best fiancee I have in 2006....Wendy!
Best part of my blog...the end!

Moving...part do

As you have read or seen a trail of belongings down I40, I have moved. Everything is inside the house, somewhere. One hard part of moving is packing everything up. It seems like a lot of work to drag the boxes around to the new location. Fortunately, I did not have a lot of heavy furniture to fit into a tight place. However, that is not the worst part.
What am I supposed to do with everything I have? I do not know how I had so much sitting around. Moving is continous because everytime I set something down or slide it over, I have to move it five minutes later. I have a knack for putting one thing in the way of another.
The new place is coming together. For the most part the floor can be seen. There are still the big piles to slide around, but soon it will look like a place to live. Which means that stuff will be tucked in all knds of corners.

Knew Year

Well younger and older it is about that time of year. The time to flip over to a new calendar. Yes, it is new years eve. Probably one of the biggest party nights in the civilized world. People are willing to stand out in the cold and damp to watch things fall from the sky. People make the same old resolutions to keep for the new year. All the college bowl games appear on television. People also hope for a better year than last year.
Into the new year people still write last year's date on their checks. Well, the few people that actually use checks anymore. Resolutions are forgotten. People try to avoid falling things out of the sky. No one can remember who played what, except the diehard fans who remember every yard run. In fact the new year is just like the old year.
It is bizarre that people love to celebrate the passage of time, yet long for the past. The past is much easier to live through when you have already made it.
So Happy New Year! I hope that 2007 is the year for you to shine or at least you have an umbrella that does not leak.

New location

Hello all

Sorry about not posting in a few days. I know some of you have been sitting on pins and needles for the last couple of days...it pays to go through new outfits and remove those things.
Anyway it has been a busy few days. Along with the Christmas holiday, I decided to move. I was hoping to fool Santa Claus and get two gifts this year. Oh well, maybe next year.
On the good point, I am in a new location. Still the same universe, same planet, same country, same state, same county, same town, but new address.
On the bad point, I am still sorting through my belongings putting everything where it will go for a few minutes at a time.

Help wanted

I saw the most unusual thing today in the paper.
Wendy and I were using newspapers to wrap fragile items for the move. So every once and awhile, I would flip through the paper. I am not consistent on reading the paper or following the news. I flip through and find headlines that look interesting. Today, I was glancing through the classifieds, and saw the most bizarre ad.
It read, "Collection of Playboys and other magazines for $$$ or will trade for guns."
I guess either way you will put your eye out.

Package deal

Have you all been good little boys or girls? Or at least apologized publicly to the press?
It is hard to believe that Christmas is finally here. (Especially after the weather was 70 degrees. I went from long sleeves to shorts.) What maybe harder to believe is that I finally got motivated to do some Christmas shopping. Yes, it was the day before Christmas Eve. All the months before I was not in the mood to shop or had the initiative to go somewhere. Yet, call it the Christmas spirit or too much egg nog, I decided to visit the mall and see what could be under O Christmas Tree.
So Wendy and I went to the local mall to see what I could purchase for my family. We had our price limit in mind and card in hand. The mall was not too crowded for the day before the day before Christmas. We could see about twenty feet ahead of us. I am not sure if this is good or not, but we did find a gift in all the stores we went. Granted it was Wendy who found the gift and we only visited three stores. Which is not bad because without Wendy there I would have ventured all over the mall, not found what I wanted to give, and paid more. My secret is to look in the department stores at the gifts they have on sale on the tables. I suppose that does scream, "Hey, Loser! Buy me!" I hope we picked out some decent gifts. They do not seem that bad or they will at least make some great dust collectors.
Well I gotta go help Santa pack the sleigh.

Paper trail

Greetings movers and other people who occasionally rearrange

I am in the process of moving to a new residence. I know you are thinking, "Why are you putting yourself through that torture?" Sometimes, I just might agree with you. The time that I would agree most is when I am packing.
Packing is hard work. You have to go through everything you own and put in another box. Every time I pack to move, I think to myself I am not going to accumulate any more items. However, a short time later I am having to more things around.
One good thing about moving is you do get a chance to throw things out. I tend to be a pack rat. Not that I want the things laying around, but I just place things down and never touch them again. I was going through some things last night and found greeting cards sent to me from three years ago. Don't get excited...most were from my mom.
Fortunately, I have only had to move a few times. One from my parents' home to college, from college back home, then back to school for master's work. During my post graduate work I found three times. Then I moved to be close to work. Now I am moving for what should be permanent. I am purchasing a house with my future wife.
A sad thing about packing and moving is that I have boxes that I packed and that I have not looked at since I moved. The bright side is that I do not need to repack them. The bad side is that I will probably end up dragging them around again. These boxes are full of papers, that I will probably never need. However...just kidding.