I am reading about book by a relationship expert who says that communication can be talked about too much. In his opinion, communication is not the only thing to keep a marriage successful. Sure it is important, but there are other things.
The book is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. Gottman put a lot of effort into studying couples. Now he can tell which couples will make it and which will not. He stresses that couples have to like each other and be able to diffuse the relationships. Tension will come. It is the couples that are able to break that tension that will survive. That brings up his point about communication. If the couple is communicating, but it is only escalating then what good was the talk. So the relationship is the key. Most of the excuses people use for divorce are not the true cause, but only symptoms from a broken relationship.
In case you are interested the seven principles Gottman has are:
1) Enhance your love maps- Get to know your partner.
2) Nurture your fondness and admiration- Your partner has good qualities. Tell that person1
3) Turn toward each other instead of away- Your partner is your partner.
4) Let your partner influence you- Everyone can use advice.
5) Solve your solvable problems- Work through to find a solution
6) Overcome gridlock- A back up gets no one where he wants to go. Sometimes a temporary compromise must be met.
7) Create shared meaning- I have not finished that chapter yet. I would think it would be create memories as a couple. Find the common ground to ease the tension.
Of course I am no relationship expert. I am not even sure if these are the right meanings. Marriage is meant to last. It is one of the important relationships. Why not put in a little effort for the one you love?
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